*DISCLAIMER* I'm not pregnant. You'll understand as I write on.
I am so thankful for the community we have become involved in - Tim and I have had the opportunity to get to know wonderful people and form friendships that we were so longing for when we first moved back over to the westside. I have had the opportunity to go to a women's Bible study on Thursday's that I have loved.
That being said, I'm the only one who is not a mother that is in the Bible study. It really doesn't effect the way I learn, or even relate to the other women in the study. If anything, it is extremely helpful for me to learn from women who are in different stages in life. However, being submerged in all these adorable kiddos and talking with their moms has definitely shifted my focus. (*side note - how easily are we persuaded to be like those around us, whether it be the style of clothes to the stage of life*)
Not that it has shifted my focus to wanting kids right now, but rather, looking forward to when that time comes for Tim and I. We would absolutely love to have kids some day, but when I say that my focus is shifted I mean this: Rather than enjoying the stage of life God has for me right now, I am focusing on the future, the 'next thing' if you will. For example, when I was single I wanted a boyfriend, when Tim and I were dating I wanted to be engaged, when I was engaged I wanted to be married, and now that I am married I want to have kids. Yes, all of those things are good, and I should want them, however what I am saying is that my struggle is not being satisfied until those things are fulfilled.
There is definitely a benefit to being single, a benefit to just dating, a benefit to being engaged to learn before you are married, and a benefit of being married and allowing yourselves time to enjoy each other and learn about where God would have you. Not to mention the extra time that you have available because you don't have kids.
Anyways, this just hit me this morning. It's been a very subtle thing, and definitely not as pronounced as my desire to be married, etc... But it's there nonetheless. Even within the past few weeks there has been much going on in regards to babies and pregnancy. About a month ago two families lost their precious babies at 9 months pregnant. Last night I was rejoicing when I found out that a couple in our community group is expecting (previously they had gone through a few miscarriages as well), and I also found out that a friend suffered an ectopic pregnancy.
It's just going on all around me and it reminds me how things may be different for different people, even when there is tragedy there is also something to rejoice over.
So, I am trying to be smart about our future and save money for when we do want to have a family, but I also am trying to be content with what I have now.
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
2 Corinthians 12:9
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