I cannot be known

I found this poem and I was absolutely drawn to it, I'm not really sure why, but I love it's simplicity and deepness and the same time.

I Cannot Be Known
by Paul Eluard

I cannot be known
Better than you know me

Your eyes in which we sleep
We together
Have made for my man's gleam
A better fate than for the common nights

Your eyes in which I travel
Have given to signs along the roads
A meaning alien to the earth

In your eyes who reveal to us
Our endless solitude

Are no longer what they thought themselves to be

You cannot be known
Better than I know you.

The weight of the world

...is to heavy to bear. I see and hear about so many tragic things in life and my heart absolutely breaks for those around me. I feel like some of my posts are depressing, and it's not because I chose to focus on the negative, quite honestly the Lord has been at work in my life and I have been doing a lot better (praise God), but since having struggled with anxiety my heart has been so much more open to seeing people around me. Seeing them in all of their hurts, pains, and struggles.

We truly are a broken people in need of something far greater than ourselves to save us from this mess.

Since starting to go through counseling, and taking anti-anxiety medicine, God has broken down so many parts of me. Pride, selfishness to name a few. Without sounding too harsh, I thought that only weaker people needed medicine to help with things like anxiety or depression. Like, their faith wasn't strong enough or something, except for extreme circumstances in which the person has severe severe depression, etc.... This is absolutely not the case. Quite honestly, looking at the world around me, it's hard to take it all in and not want some medicine to dull the intensity of it all.

If it is one thing I have to be thankful for through all of this, is that God has made my heart so much more tender toward those around me. Ever since I started going through this process it is as though everyone else around me is going through it too. People I saw as strong and "normal" are sharing similar struggles as me, and it is truly eye opening. I don't want this to be taken wrong, but hearing others struggles makes me feel better knowing that I am not alone - and it takes the focus off of myself and I can begin to offer comfort to those who are hurting, because I understand what they are going through.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
-2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that He will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will gives thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted in answer to the prayers of many.
- 2 Corinthians 1:9-11

Praise the Lord that He has not left us on our own. While God is a just God and does not like sin, I think too often we think of God as sitting up on this thrown and looking down at all of the bad things that we are doing in disgust. While God hates sin, I don't picture God like that. I believe that God is absolutely, intimately near, and He hurts when we hurt. He is so divinely intimate with our lives and He sees that horror of the world around us, things so terrible that we have no idea they are even going on in the world. I think it is because of this He realized how utterly hopeless we are on our own. He sent Jesus, His Son, to die for us in our place so that we may have hope in Him. He came and rescued us, saved us from ourselves, to save us by the sin that so much controls us.

God made Him who had no sin be Sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.
-2 Corinthians 5:21

A lot of people can't seem to believe in God because they think if there was a loving God, how could He let all the bad happen in the world. I would suggest reading the above Bible verse again. He died for us, to rescue us, to save us because He loves us more intensely and fiercely than we could ever imagine. And there is nothing we can do to earn that, we just need to accept it and let God take control. I can do nothing by my own strength, I tried and I ended up with horrible anxiety. Yeah, you may not have a manifestation like that in your life, but one way or another you will never be satisfied outside of Jesus. Anything good from me comes from God, because apart from Him I am hopeless.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us.
-Ephesians 2:8-10

Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners - of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display His unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on Him and recieve eternal life.
-1 Timothy 1:15-17

Beloved by Tenth Avenue North

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
Give me your life
Lust and the lies
The past you're afraid I might see
You've been running away from me

You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
It binds you to me
It's a mystery

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
I'm the giver of life
I'll clothe you in white
My immaculate bride you will be
Oh come running home to me yeah

You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
and Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
and it binds you to me yea now now

Well you've been a mistress, my wife
Chasing lovers that won't satisfy
Won't you let me make you my bride
You will drink of my lips
And you'll taste new life

You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
it binds you to me

You're my beloved
Forever we'll be
Our love it unites us
And it binds you to me
It's a mystery

Getting into you

I recently rediscovered this song by Relient K and I forgot how much of an impact it had on me when I first became a christian. As far as I can remember, this was the first "christian" song I ever heard and liked and it so well described my early walk with God, and the simplicity of it. I think that this simplicity is something I should focus on more.

When I made up my mind
And my heart along with that
To live not for myself
But yet for God
Somebody said
'Do you know what you are getting yourself into?'

When I finally ironed out
All of my priorities
And asked God to remove the doubt
That makes me unsure of these
Things I ask myself
I ask myself
'Do you know what you are getting yourself into?'

I'm getting into You
Because You got to me
In a way words cant describe
I'm getting into You
Because I've got to be
You're essential to survive
I'm going to love You with my life

When He looked at me and said
'I kind of view you as a son'
And for a second our eyes met
And I met that with a question:
'Do you know what You are getting yourself into?'

I'm getting into You
Because You got to me
In a way words can't describe
I'm getting into You
Because I've got to be
You're essential to survive
Im going to love You with my life

I've been a liar and I'll never amount to
The kind of person You deserve to worship You
You say You will not dwell on what I did but rather what I do,
You say
'I love You and that's what you are getting yourself into'

Im getting into You
Because You got to me
In a way words cant describe
Im getting into You
Because I've got to be
You're essential to survive
I'm going to love You with my life



I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.
~Philippians 3:12

Bridal Shower

I had so much fun at the bridal shower yesterday!!! I was so excited for everyone that came and all of the things they brought - it will definitely help Tim and I as we start our life together!

Thank you computer, for 3 lovely years

My computer crashed last night. You may be wondering how I am typing this right now if my computer isn't working. Well, I'm at work.. shhh

I think whenever the weather is nice it puts me in a better mood. I absolutely love the sun, and I absolutely love the summer. God has been providing in wonderful ways and I am hopeful that this summer will be one of rest, peace, and enjoyment.

This year has been crazy, i've lived at a different place each quarter. Each time I move I feel a sense of relief that I won't have to move for a while. Then a few months go by, and here I am, moving again! I guess I've learned to know that no matter what my plans are, God's always prevail.

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." ~ Psalm 19:21

And even in the midst of stress, I see ways that God has provided and had all of these events in the last year not happened, I would not be where I am right now. I moved out of the dorms after fall quarter only to move in with a roommate that I also really enjoyed at Student Village. She ended up transferring at the end of Winter Quarter. When she told me she was leaving, I decided that I wanted to look off campus. The problem with that is the fact that I wouldn't have any furniture to move in with! A few days after that, she came to me and told me that she was leaving all of the furnitire with me, if I didn't mind. Of course I didn't mind! I got a free couch out of the deal! Then, I found an apartment but the only thing that the apartment was missing was a microwave. I figured that that wouldn't be a big deal to find, and when I went back to the apartment, my roommate offered me her microwave! Seems little, but Praise the Lord! He provides even the littlest things.

So then I move everything into my current apartment where Tim and I decide we are going to live in after we get married. We decided to live in Ellensburg over the summer in order to save a little bit of money (rent in ellensburg, for a two bedroom, nice, newly remodeled apartment is $610, and a one bedroom not-so-nice apartment in the ghetto on the westside is $850). If that wasn't enough, our old Bible Study leaders came up to us a few weeks ago and offered to have us live in their house for free over the summer while they are gone in Colorado for CRU Staff training! Praise the Lord! Not only could we have just lived off of Tim's salary in our apartment over the summer, we are now blessed with the opportunity to save even more money! God is providing!

I guess I write those stories out as reminders for myself. God provides in huge and small ways, and it's when I feel like He is distant that I need to remember those things. So, I will choose to reflect on those things and know that God does not leave me a lone.

Powerful videos

all I can say is WOW

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuF629DW9kI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUCJ0HHMSbY&feature=related