Rejoicing and Weeping

"Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep"

-Romans 12:15

It is a strange time. I have been equally given reasons to deeply rejoice and deeply weep during this season. The constant during this time of chaos and uncertainty, whether good or bad? Jesus. He is my constant. He is my Rock and my Salvation. He is my Jesus.

In the midst of even the hardest time the constant that I see is His goodness. I mean that with all my heart. In the deepest despair and darkest corners of life, He is good. He has poured out his grace and lavished it, even when the circumstances seem to say otherwise.

I wanted to write a blog all about the grace He has shown us during this pregnancy, and I still probably will, but it goes beyond just this stage in our life. I see more clearly how He has been working everything for good, how He has interwoven so many things, so many people, all for His good purpose. It is only by His grace and strength that I can simultaneously have joy and also sorrow for those around me. Even our emotions work better when Jesus takes care of them.

I feel like during pregnancy, I have in many ways been given a "do-over" from previous stages of my life. Very similar circumstances were going on a couple of years ago when I was engaged. It was an exciting time in our life! We were getting married! But at the same time, I had two of my closest friends battling mystery illnesses, I was finishing up my last year at college, and my best friend's mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. Then my panic attacks started happening that November. I became consumed and enslaved to my anxiety. I went through months of what just felt like "darkness" and didn't know what to do, didn't know where God was. But God spoke to my heart and said, "I will carry you through". And He did. But it was a hard journey. And it's still not over.

I carried over a lot of my fears and anxieties to what it would look like to start a family. I was afraid that with that stress and changing time, I would revert back to my panic attacks and again become enslaved to fear. God again told me He would carry me through. And He has. Since becoming pregnant many similar circumstances have come up - a dear friend of ours is battling stomach cancer, my husband's great grandmother passed away, among many other things. But God has given me grace to trust Him through it all and handle my emotions appropriately; weeping with those who weep, and rejoicing with those who rejoice.

As I look to the future, and even as fear wells up as I think about delivering our baby boy and meeting him and raising him, I have to look back and see all that God has done. Every single time I doubted God came through. Oh, Lord, please help me to keep my mind focused on this! and on You! 

So with both a heavy and a full heart, I am trusting God. Knowing that He will comfort me in times of hardship and lavish his joy on me during times of rejoicing. 

Four Eyes

Just got my glasses in the mail today!

This is a big deal.

like.

Big Deal.

Excited, aren't you?!

Thats what I thought.

Here they are in all their glory

I desperately needed new glasses. But I didn't want to spend the money. We have crappy vision insurance but it covers nearly nothing and I can't find any place that accepts it. And needless to say, I wasn't excited about spending $200 + on an exam and glasses (having a baby and all, expenses add up!). Plus, I know that pregnancy changes your vision so I didn't want to get one prescription only to need another one in a few months. 

Then on Facebook I saw that Coastal Contacts was giving away 10,00 pairs of FREE glasses. Yes, FREE. All you needed to do was know your prescription (-0.75 thankyouverymuch) and pay shipping ($18 yo). I thought, why not? So I ordered them.

I especially wanted my glasses for Easter. Our church is having Easter service at Qwest Field, praying for 20,000 people to attend and over 500 baptisms. I so wanted to be able to see for that! But when I ordered the glasses they said due to the high volume of orders it would take 3-4 weeks, not til mid-May. 

But I got them today!!!! Thank you Jesus!

New Update:

Since I started this blog post, Easter came and went and was amazing! And I could SEE! Praise the Lord! It was a huge blessing to be able to celebrate Jesus with 17,500 others and saw over 700 baptisms! For more info, and to watch the Easter sermon, check out Mars Hill here.

Beloved

I was going to post on this a while back, but got distracted with everything else thats been going on, hah!

So.

I got a tattoo.

Ok, so it's not the best picture, but it was right after I got it done and so far I don't have any other pictures of it! Didn't realize how hard it would be to take a picture of the side of your foot, lol

So here's the story behind the tattoo:

I had been contemplating getting a tattoo for a while. Actually, lets go back further. Tim has 3 tattoos, and I saw him get each one. Every time he got one, I always told myself that I never wanted a tattoo. For one thing, I had no idea what I would get, and for another, it looks ridiculously painful. 

But the past couple of months I was thinking about getting a tattoo, and how I would love to have "Beloved" written somewhere on my foot. Nothing big or fancy, just "Beloved".

So, after talking with some friends of ours and getting an awesome referral to a tattoo artist, I decided I would get a tattoo. Like, tomorrow. If I was going to make this decision, I had to do it now before I chickened out.

Fun Fact: Needles have never bothered me. I've never been one to get nervous about blood tests, I saw Tim get all of his tattoos and it didn't faze me. However, the day before I was getting a tattoo, I went into the naturopath to take a simple blood test to find out if I had any food allergies. By simple I mean, they pricked my finger! Thats it! But for whatever reason I nearly passed out! I'm not sure if I hadn't eaten enough that morning, or the room was too hot, or what, but I felt faint, thought I was going to puke, and the dr. had to bring me juice! So, freak out time for tattoo? I think yes.

So when the day finally came, the tattoo literally took 5 mins and was a piece of cake! Especially compared to my blood test the day before (what the heck?). So, not scary and I'm so glad I got it.

Now for the meaning of the tattoo.

I never wanted to get a tattoo just to get one. I wanted one that had deep meaning that would stay with me. Since I first met Jesus one of my favorite books of the Bible is Isaiah, especially chapters 40-55. The initial inspiration for the tattoo was this:

"I will pour out my Spirit upon your offspring, and my blessings on your descendent's. They shall spring up among the grass like willows by flowing streams. This one will say, 'I am the LORD's,' another will call on the name of Jacob, and another will write on his hand, 'The LORD's,' and name himself by the name of Israel." - Isaiah 44:3-5

I love this idea - of writing "The LORD's" on my hand; constantly reminding me who I belong to and who I am. Below are the other verses that influenced my decision to write "Beloved" on my foot; because that is who I am to God. Because when we are loved, we have courage to not be afraid. When I trust that God loves me deeply, He has my best interest, and my fears can melt away.

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strength you, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." -Isaiah 41:10

"But now thus says the Lord, He who created you, O Jacob, He who formed you, O Israel: 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and flame shall not consume you. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy  One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you. Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life. Fear not, for I am with you'." - Isaiah 43:1-5

Do you see the beauty here? Jesus is the answer to our fears, not changing behaviors or circumstances or even attitudes. Jesus is the answer.

And my favorite, I have broken it down into two parts:

"Bel bows down, Nebo stoops; their idols are on beasts and livestock; these things you carry are borne as burdens on weary beasts. They stoop; they bow down together; they cannot save the burden, but themselves go into captivity." -Isaiah 26:1-2

^This verse is describing those that have made idols from themselves, that are worshiping something other than God. They are the ones who carry them, the idols are heavy burdens that are worthlessly lugged around by those worshipers. The idols do nothing but weigh them down and lay burdens on them. But see how good God is in the next verses:

"Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all the remnant of the house of Israel, who have been borne by me from before your birth, carried from the womb; even to your old age I am He, and to gray hairs I will carry you. I have made, and I will bear; I will carry and will save." -Isaiah 46:3-4

How wonderful is God that He carries us!!! So that is why I got the tattoo. It serves as a beautiful reminder of who I am, why I don't need to worry, and who God is.

"For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" - Matthew 11:30

Baby

Tim and I are having a baby. We found out on March 12th and it has been so hard to keep it a secret.

So, I trust the Lord and rejoice in the gift He has given us. This, for me, is an act of obedience to trust Him with our baby, with my body, with my worries, and with my relationship with Tim.

I suppose this all makes it sound somewhat of a surprise, accident if you will. It wasn't. It just took 1 month. And it was a huge step of faith for me.

The Lord is so good though, He has been so sweet to me to prepare my heart and walk with me. He knew that I feel unequipped, so He is equipping me. He knew that it probably wouldn't be an easy decision, or rather, one that I felt I had to make and carry the heavy burden of knowing when we should start a family. God knew that it would be too much for me to carry, and He is good. So rather than leave me to my own thoughts and desires, He spoke to me.

Clear and with authority. "do you trust Me?"

so I trust.

When I let myself think about the future, I can freak out and worry how I am going to be able to do everything. But when think about today, trust God for the grace I need moment by moment, I feel a quite and powerful peace.

God has carried me this far, and He will continue to carry me.

Bienvenido 2011!

Have you ever just felt the need to write? To express something, deep inside, and bring it to the surface? It's been just over a month since my last blog, and I have this itch to write; about what, I am not sure. But I feel as though I may burst if I don't write something!

So, as my first blog post of 2011, I think that I may write about the past year, what has gone on, and how our lives have changed. Lets start month to month, for as much as I can remember.

January

January welcomed us to just over 6 months of marriage, our first Christmas and New Years together, and a brand new decade. I had recently quit my job as a receptionist and began studying cake decorating/baking. I also began an internship with a cupcake wrapper company.

Tim also started the year with a concussion from snowboarding. That was fun. The concussion was probably less painful than the following months battling with our insurance company to make sure it was covered. Success at last.

February

Six years ago on Feb 4, Tim asked me to be his girlfriend. As ups and downs followed, we started a journey together that would forever change our lives. Since being married, we now celebrate Feb 4 as our Valentines day, and skip out of Feb. 14. (in part because we both feel that it is far better to be loved, shown love, and do random kind things for each other throughout the year, and not only on the day that every is supposed to. Also, I like to rebel. So in celebrating Valentines day on Feb 4 we are in many ways sticking it to the man. So there).

March

My internship was in full force at this point. We began planning Cupcake Camp Seattle - the first annual cupcake event that brought together thousands of Seattle-folk and bakeries alike to raise money for the Hope Heart Institute. I loved every part of the planning process, as though my PR gene was being satisfied. 

April

I celebrated by 22nd birthday on April 3rd with Tim taking me to one of my favorite Seattle cupcake shops, lunch at the Old Spaghetti Factory with friends, and going to the Seattle Art Museum. One of my favorite pieces of art was a picture of a square that read, "The saddest circle is a square.". Yes, art piece, I think you're right. 

CupcakeCamp Seattle was a hit! We had thousands show up and thousands of dollars donated. Shortly after this I officially start my own cake/cupcake decorating company: Captivating Creations.

April also brought the discovery of my 7th (yes, seventh) wisdom tooth and subsequent removal of said tooth after I needed to get a crown after eating a pretzel. This was a rough month for my poor teeth, but they made it through. Also, we could not be more thankful for dental insurance! If your interested in how it felt to have a crown put in, I think this blog post does it justice.

We also began the process to look for houses as we decided what our living situation would be like at the end of our lease in July. We put our first and only offer on a house in Maple Valley. It was a short sale, which means it would be a long process. So the waiting begins.

May

In May I officially began to book up the summer full of wedding cakes! It was very exciting, and from this point on, most of my weekends were booked with cake and cupcake orders! Tim was also fully into his EMT class that went through the end of June. I got to be the practice dummy as he would have to do rapid assessments and check my blood pressure on a daily basis. He would ask me to come up with fake symptoms so that he could figure out what was wrong with me. Often times I got responses from him like "I see that you are experiencing heart attacks symptoms found in men. I think there may be a deeper issue here Melynda".

We were still waiting on the house.

June

With June we saw big milestones and big letdowns. June 20th brought our first anniversary, but the day before dealt us a serious blow. Tim took his EMT final, and did not pass. He had spent the last 10 weeks working his butt off - working a 40+ hr a week job on top of an intensive class that calls you to give your all. He worked so hard, maintained a 100% in the class, and got to do several ride alongs with firefighting/EMT districts. He even got to be at harborview and witness a surgery AND had a man come in who had shot his testicles off. Oh, but thats another story. Either way, he got to his final and was put into a group of 4. During the pratical exam one of his teammates took the blood pressure wrong. Tim corrected him and told him the right way to do it but it was too late. When taking the practical exam no mistakes, by you or a teammate, could be made and the entire group failed. We were crushed, and disappointed, but also hopeful because God had a plan.

July

Tim's brother, Jake, got married and Tim was his best man and I was the wedding cake decorator/day of event planner. It went great and was so much fun. Tim also turned 22 at the end of July and just a week before that summited Mt. Rainier for his 3rd time. He hiked with my dad and friends of ours and I am so proud of them!

We were still waiting on the house at this point, but our lease was up July 23. Without any real leads, we made the decision to wait out the house and move into my parents bonus room until we found out what we should do.

August

We spent August enjoying the little sunshine that Seattle was given this year, as well as working with our Real Estate Agent, Carla Clark. She was amazing throughout the whole process and went above and beyond any and all of our expectations. We got more leads on the house and found out that it was looking like the bank would accept our offer!

Tim and I also enjoyed a small getaway at the Salish Lodge!

September

The bank approved and we signed the closing documents on our first home on Sept. 24!!! We moved in the next day and had a huge painting party with all of Tim's cousins. With their help we had the whole house painted in 1 day!

October

We participated for the 3rd time in the Walk for Hope - Breast Cancer walk! It was wonderful to walk alongside my friends and family including mama Gayle who is almost 2 years out of surviving breast cancer!

October also brought the death of a close family friend. He was a man who had no family, no one really. Tim went grocery shopping for him every week and took care of household things. Tim has become the executor of his will, and this has been a rough time of learning, being okay with hurting/grieving, and just trusting in the Lord all the more.

November

After talking a lot about wanting to get a pet, Tim and I went to a state wide shelter adoption event and found our puppy! The story behind him, you ask? Well, let me tell you. When we got to the event, he was part of the only litter of puppies there (others were dogs that were older). He is part border collie, german shepherd, and golden lab (all dogs that Tim and I have had in the past and we loved them). All of the puppies were different solid colors, but he was the only one with markings. We picked him up and instantly fell in love! We thought he was adorable, and then we looked at his information. His name was Abe!!! Abe!!! I know that may not seem like a big deal, but if you recall, Abe Lincoln came to our wedding! There was a civil war reenactment going on the same weekend and it was just too perfect. We knew we had to get him :)

December

Our first Christmas in our first house! It was great. We ended the year with having all of Tim's cousins and my family over to our house for Christmas eve and just thoroughly enjoyed spending time together. Tim got some days off which were WONDERFUL because he hasn't had much of a break. He also was employee of the month :)


When I look back over the past year, I am reminded of one of the most beautiful Bible verses I have ever read. It is the last verse in John, concluding the book. I think that it describes how I feel about this year, how I feel about my life and all that God has done. No matter how much I write about it, tell of what the things God has done in my life, I could never stop writing! For there isn't enough books in the world that would tell of all that God has done!

Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written

John 21:25