The Lord is Good

As I reflect on the past couple of weeks, I thought about titling this blog post "Lost in Transition" as we are right in the midst of transition.

The place we are living at is not our home. We moved out of our apartment at the end of our lease, and in doing so put all of our eggs in the proverbial "lets buy a house" basket. Over the course of the last year our plans have changed so much, we went back and forth on whether or not we should invest in a house, where we should live, and what job(s) to have. One thing led to another and we put an offer down on a house back in April, of which we are still waiting to hear back on. It is a short sale, which means it takes a loooonnngg time. The name is truly misleading. 

Either way, we have been waiting since then. Even since then our plans have changed! But God remains the same. And for that I am eternally thankful.

Things have changed, things are always changing. I've heard it said that the only constant thing in life is change. That is very true, but the only exception to that is Jesus. He never changes. 

[hmm, the only exception to most things is Jesus]

God is good. He is good, He has always been good, and He will always be good. And yet why do I even doubt or question that He has it under control? I was anxious about moving into my parents bonus room/apartment over their garage as we wait to hear back on the house. What will people think of us? And why the heck are we back in Maple Valley? Although that specific worry has seemed to be quickly taken care of. Since we've moved back I feel like I'm discovering Maple Valley all over again, I don't feel like I'm going back to this place of intense familiarity. 

Other thoughts weigh me down: what about our community group? We have fallen in love with the community that God has blessed us, we enjoyed a great year of living in a wonderful area, close to good friends, and a great church. God used a lot of the time there to grow me - He provided me with a wonderful group of women that I got to meet with for Bible Study every Thursday. I also had a great time of prayer with a friend every Monday. I received great joy from those times, and it was also a time where I was able to be real and I trusted that the women would point me back to Jesus. 

So, I worry. 

I worry about whether or not we can or should stay at that community group now that we are 25 min away. But at the same time, God blessed me with them in the first place during a time that I missed the community back at Central. Not only that, but He allowed us to move during a time (summer) when the Thursday morning Bible study was taking a break, so I didn't need to feel left out. Sweet things like that remind me of our Creator's goodness - He cares about every intricate detail and never changes.

I matter to God.

Not because of anything that I have done.

But because of everything that He has.

So, I will not worry.

I wonder...

Have you ever found yourself asking the question:

How did I get here?

Ok, ok. Not as in, like, "where do babies come from?" question, or even in a negative tone ("how did I get to this place that I don't want to be?"), but truly just reflecting on your life leading up to this moment.

So, how did I get here?

I mean, it feels like just yesterday I was just starting at CWU, and just a couple of weeks ago Tim and I celebrated our first year of marriage! In the last year, our plans have changed on several occasions. I go back and look through previous blog postings to see our "plans" and I have to laugh because nearly none of them came to fruition! But, I would have it no other way.

It was not my plan to move 5 times my senior year at CWU/first few months of marriage. Nor was it my plan to have worked 3 jobs since then (one of which wasn't paid, and another one of which being my own cake decorating business... what the heck?!), have Tim work 2 different jobs and take an EMT class, decide to put an offer on a house, move into my parents garage apartment until the house stuff gets finalized.... it's so crazy! At so many different times in the past year we've had plans. Plans to buy a house in a different area, plans to not buy one and rent someplace closer to Tim's work (Federal Way area), plans to not go to Mars Hill, plans to being deeply rooted in a wonderful community group through Mars Hill, plans to buy a car, plans to keep our cars, plans for me to get another job, plans for me to start my own business.

I always think I have it figured out, or rather, I always feel like I need to have it figured out! Like I always need an answer to those around me - parents, family, friends - as to what our plans our.

What are our plans to have children? What are your plans for your business? What do you have in mind for a future job? When is Tim going to become a firefighter? How are you going to buy a house and be smart with money? When is that degree of yours going to pay off? Do you think you'll still go to the same church and community group if you move? How much longer do you think Tim will work at his current job?

Why is it that we put this pressure on ourselves to have all these plans laid out before us and determine our own steps? Yes, absolutely, it is good to have goals! But plans... ahhh plans.... you're a whole other category.

Is it not okay to just be comfortable resting in the state of not having plans? Of course it is! If I have learned anything this past year, it is that having no plans is the safest place to be! If we loosen our death grip on those "plans" of ours, we are much more likely to trust and follow where God's leading, and I'm sure it will be a much smoother process.

I almost feel like when we set out plans for ourselves, we are trusting our own judgment above God's. Like, yes God, you created the universe and everything in it, you created our inmost beings, you know us inside and out. Oh, and whats that? You know what will happen with our lives and - am I hearing You right - that You have a plan for us? Oh, well, actually, we have these other plans... so I think we'll just stick with those and hope that you steer us where we need to go, bless our plans and all that.

Really?! Who do we think we are coming to God like that? I do it all the time.

Needless to say, I'm not quite sure how I got here, but one thing I am sure: God carried me the whole way, and He is going to keep on carrying Tim and I through.

Whats on my heart

Pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord

Lamentations 2:19

I called on Your name, O Lord, from the depths of the pit. You heard my plea, "Do not close Your ears to my cry for relief". You came near when I called You, and You said, "Do not fear". O Lord, You took up my case, You redeemed my life.

Lementations 3:55-58

Times

by Tenth Avenue North

I know I need You

I need to love You

I love to see You, but it's been so long

I long to feel You

I feel this need for You

And I need to hear You, is that so wrong?

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

Now You pull me near You

When we're close, I fear You

Still I'm afraid to tell You, all that I've done

Are You done forgiving?

Oh can You look past my pretending?

Lord, I'm so tired of defending, what I've become

What have I become?

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

I hear You say,

"My love is over. It's underneath.

It's inside. It's in between.

The times you doubt Me, when you can't feel.

The times that you question, 'Is this for real? '

The times you're broken.

The times that you mend.

The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.

Well, My love is over, it's underneath.

It's inside, it's in between.

These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks.

The times that you feel like you're falling from grace.

The times you're hurting.

The times that you heal.

The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.

The times of confusion, in chaos and pain.

I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.

I'm there through your heartache.

I'm there in the storm.

My love I will keep you, by My pow'r alone.

I don't care where you fall, where you have been.

I'll never forsake you, My love never ends.

It never ends."

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.