Your God will rejoice over you

As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.
-Isaiah 62:5

Yesterday I was talking with Tim and I asked him how he was feeling about the wedding being only 4 days away. What I was trying to get at was to find out about his excitement, nervousness, worries, thoughts on how the day would go and how he feels about getting married in less than a week. I had expressed that I often have butterflies in my stomach, I'm nervous and excited, and anxious about how things will go the day of the wedding. On a deeper level, I have some anxieties about what our future holds, where will we live after the summer is over, where we will work, what we will do. Basically my mind is swirling over the ideas of the unknown. I've never done this before, I've been technically on my own since being at college, but this is different. My mind is always going, I am so excited to join Tim in this new adventure together, but I still have "what ifs" and "now whats" going through my mind.

As I asked Tim how he was feeling, I expected to get a similar answer as I had given him. I mean, he's a guy, and the stereotype of many men is that they fear commitment, want to be independent, etc... Now, I know with all my heart that Tim loves me deeply and that he cannot wait to marry me, but I figured that, to some degree, he would also have thoughts like "what happens next" or worry about how to provide for us. I was way off.

"I am so excited", Tim responded. He went onto tell me that, truly, that is the only feeling he is experiencing right now. He told me he is so excited to get to marry me, be my husband, and get to see me in my dress on the wedding day. He then told me that he isn't like a girl (haha), and doesn't worry about all the little details, at the end of the day he still gets to marry me and be with me, and that is all that mattered to him. He is not worried about the future because he knows that we will face the future together. He is not worried about how to provide for us because he knows that it will all work out. He is not worried about what it will be like/how marriage will be different because he gets to experience it with me.

This got me thinking but didn't hit me till this morning. Actually, I wouldn't say it "hit" me, but rather, the thought gently found me.

I realized that that is how God feels about me.

I continually worry, over analyze things, think too much about details, and forget to just let God delight in me. To just be with God. To enjoy being on an adventure with Him, trusting that He works all things for good. Trusting that I can face anything the future holds because He is with me and carrying me through. I don't have to go through life a lone, I have God. Not only that, but God just wants to spend time with me and be with me on all the adventures of life. I don't need to be worried about "what ifs" or details because those will all work out anyways. Why can I not just be excited to be in the moment and enjoy where God has me? It is a struggle I face but I am realizing more and more than my relationship with God is just that: a relationship. Just as Tim is excited to marry me and just be with me, so is God. He delights in me and I don't need to work hard and try to earn my way to Him, but rather just be with Jesus, learning about Him, discovering things about Him I didn't know, and in turn, discovering things about myself that I didn't know. Growing with Him and spending my life doing things with God, not just for God.

The things I do with God are, in fact, for God, but I am relying on His strength and knowing that I cannot earn my salvation. In fact, just by believing in and loving Jesus, enjoying being in a relationship with Him, I am gaining salvation:

These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ in revealed. Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
-1 Peter 1:7-9

So, with that, I am going to enjoy the next few days and let God take control. I do not need to worry about how my wedding will go, I do not need to worry about what the future holds. All I need to do, and all that God longs for me to do, is enjoy Him, delight in Him, and let (and invite) God to delight in me.

I will rescue you

"You whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth. Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He, I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you."
Isaiah 46:3-4

This verse has always brought comfort to me. I posted it in my last blog post, but it's been on my heart. This is what I want to resonate through my soul, knowing that Jesus rescues me and carries me through everything - I am never alone.

God has brought me this far, and He will continue to bring me through. That is what it boils down to. So much has been going on in my life and I am at a point where I have no idea what the future holds. But, my Savior holds the future and He knows where He is taking me.

You should see the stars tonight

I've been thinking a lot about my upcoming wedding that is two weeks away. I had all of these ideas about what I would be feeling at this point, but none of them were anywhere near what I am feeling. I am at a point where this year has broken me and I believe that God is the only one who can carry me through, carry us through.

I am so excited for our marriage, but I have learned that two sinners do not make a perfect marriage. But both Tim and I are learning to understand what it looks like to truly rely on Jesus for strength in our marriage, and I am just trusting that God will come through for us. I believe that He will.

He is my strength, our strength, and a beautiful strength at that. I am a sinner and more often than not, I choose to hang onto sins, or trust myself over God, but God is my rescuer. I don't know what our future holds, I don't know where we will be at the end of the summer, the next year, etc... but I know that God does and I'm learning to let that be enough for me.

As I think about God and my relationship with Him, I sometimes get glimpses of what my relationship with Him should look like. Maybe I am not supposed to worry, maybe i am not supposed to hold onto guilt, maybe I am supposed to allow Him to delight in me, maybe I am supposed to let myself be drawn into Him. More than maybe.

I find comfort in knowing that I don't need to find my worth in things like my schooling, my wedding, my future career. More than likely, at some point or another, those things will let me down. I was told about a week ago that if I have a C wedding i'll be really fortunate (70% goes the way we want, 30% doesn't), and i'm okay with things not going 100% because at the end of the day, I get to be Tim's wife and start a new adventure with him and Jesus. The same goes for my career someday - if it doesn't work out the way that I want it too, thats okay because it isn't my absolute purpose.

At my final dress fitting, I started to let God take delight in me and the fact that I am getting married. I tended to push it away or ignore it, thinking that God wasn't that excited about my marriage (what lies). As I was looking at myself in the mirror in my dress, I realized that I was not alone and could hear Jesus whispering in my hear, "You look beautiful baby girl."

That gives me peace, in the midst of my circumstances, God is near and giving me the strength to go on. Strength that does not come from me, but from the God of the universe. God is always with me.

This verse was my first "favorite verse" when I found Jesus for the first time:

"You whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth. Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He, I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you."
Isaiah 46:3-4

It is interesting because in the verses before this, the Lord is talking about how burdensome idols are and how the worshipers have to carry what they worship around. Then, God goes onto say that He is the one carrying us. We are not strong enough, as the earlier verses point out that say how the burdens cause them to go into captivity because they are not strong enough to carry them on their own. God is the one who has to carry us. I would have it no other way.

The following song I think is beautiful. This will probably be the last slow dance song before Tim and I leave for our honeymoon.

"Stars" by David Crowder

you should see the stars tonight
how they shimmer shine so bright
against the black they look so white
comin down from such a height
to reach me now, reach me now

you should see the moon in the flight
cuttin cross the misty night
softly dancin in sunshine
reflections of this light
reach me now, you reach me now

and how could such a thing
shine its light on me
and make everything beautiful again

and you should feel the sun in the spring
comin out after a rain
suddenly all is green
sunshine on everything
i can feel it now, i feel you now

and how could such a thing
shine its light on me
and make everything beautiful

and you should hear the angels sing
all gathered round their king
more beautiful than you could dream
i've been quietly listening
you can hear 'em now, i hear em now

and how could such a king
shine His light on me
and make everything beautiful
and i wanna shine
i wanna be light
i wanna tell you it'll be alright
and i wanna shine and i wanna fly
just to tell you now
it'll be alright, it'll be alright
it'll be alright.

cus i got nothing of my own to give to you
but this light that shines on me shines on you
and makes everything beautiful, again.
it'll be alright, it'll be alright.

God is near

But as for me, it is good to be near God.
Psalm 73:28

What other nation is so great as to have their gods near them the way the LORD our God is near us whenever we pray to him?
Deuteronomy 4:7

The LORD is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth.
Psalm 145:18

Near (according to dictionary.com):

• at, within, or to a short distance.
• close in relation; closely with respect to connection, similarity, intimacy, etc
• being close by; not distant
• closely affecting one's interests or feelings
• intimate or familiar
• to come or draw near; approach

God is near