Lately I have been thinking about how I am going to compile everything that happened over this summer into a few paragraphs, or a conversation with someone. I haven't written much on here to keep everyone updated, so I have a lot to talk about. I often wonder if this is what John meant when he said that the world probably couldn't contain the amount of books it would take to document every single one of Jesus' miracles, teachings, and events during His life, because I am having a hard time figuring out how to condense everything that Jesus did this summer alone.
I find myself thinking "Did I seriously just spend my summer in Tahoe? Did this really just happen?", and I remember my first thoughts when I got here, "What the heck am I doing? Am I seriously here?". I have learned so much since being here, but not in the way of hearing amazing sermons, lessons, etc... but in a much more relational manner. I have come to know Jesus, I have realized what a relationship with Him looks like, and I know I still have more to learn. All this time I thought I had to fit into a box, be someone I wasn't, and I had this preconcieved idea of who Jesus is, and what it means to know Him. Turns out who Jesus is does not depend on what I think of Him, but rather who I am is what Jesus thinks of me.
I have learned what it means to be in community with other believers, I have learned what it means to have fun and not be held back by my fears, I have experienced God is ways that I never thought possible and He has answered some of the deepest prayers and desires of my heart that I never even prayed. And to me, that is infinitely more beautiful than hearing any profound message or learning new information about God or even being on a 'spiritual high'.
I am at a loss for words at how to describe my summer. God met me here, picked me up and resuced me from myself. I am beginning to realize (although God knows I am so far from understanding) what it means to be in a relationship with God, how everyone is unique which means that everyone has a unique relationship with God. How amazing is that? God uniquely wants a relationship with each and everyone of us, and all of our relationships with Him do not need to look the same. He loves you as you are. When you are in Him, guilt, fear, anxiety has absolutely no place. All three things that too often weigh me down.
I feel like Christiainity is supposed to be more than it has become. It has become either a dull, lifeless ritual of going to church on sunday and listening to rules, etc... or a fundamentalist mentality that is really only concerned in being right and using God to make themselves look good. God never intended any of that. God never wanted us to make a war with other people, "non-believers", about politics, religion (because religion is something very much different than a relationship with God), morality. Don Miller states it very well when he says that he thought in a war, we were supposed to shoot the enemy, not the hostage. Those people who Christians stereotypically hate, the liberals, the gays, the pro-choice people, those very people are cherished by God and we are called to love them as higher than ourselves. We are not called to argue with them, we are not called to hate them. We are called to love them. While we still need to be strong in our beliefs and not compromise, we are called to love them. Jesus loves them, Jesus hung out with those people. The times when Jesus did get upset were with the people who thought they had it all together, the very knowledgable "religious" people, the people who were so full of themselves, thought they were right (and used God to build themselves up), that they would not even bow down to the one who created them, the one they were using to make themselves seem better, because Jesus did not fit into their religious box.
I say this not to elevate myself and feel like I'm better than those hypocrites, because truth be told, I am one of those hypocrites. For too long I have lived as though I had to fit into this box and had to be a certain way in order for Jesus to love me, which is a terrible way of thinking for me and a horrible example to others. And I also want to make it known, I did not come here because Campus Crusade wanted me to, because I felt I had to, etc... I came here because God wanted me here. In all honestly, looking back on it, it is as though I had no choice, God was saving me from where I was going in order to bring me back into a true relationship with Him. Coming here was never about campus crusade, it was about God. Crusade is not what changed me, it was God, entirely God. I do not want to sound as though I am putting Crusade down, because I am not, I believe that God uses that as a tool and it is very powerful, but only if God is the focus. Coming here with crusade was only a tool and a means that God used for me to re-evaluate my relationship with Him. But this summer was more than a re-evaluation of my relationship with Him, it was a time where God saved me from myself, showed me what a relationship with Him looks like, and pursued my heart and met me where I am at and answered the deepest questions, desires, and prayers of my heart. God knew what I needed, even when I didn't, and He came through.Sometimes I feel like we, I, don't give God enough credit. He is immensely powerful and deeply intimate and desires us to know Him. Right before Jesus died, and rose, He prayed and told God that eternal life is knowing Him and he said His desire was for us to be with Him where He is. I know that sounds simple, but how profound and meaningful it is at the same time. I know over the course of this summer, I have missed Tim incredibly and all of my friends, and I wanted to be with them. Even more than that, I actually wanted them to be with me and experience this awesome time in Lake Tahoe. I miss them, something is missing when I'm not with them, and my desire is to be near them. I can't even begin to imagine the type of longing coming from Jesus, multiplied incredibly, wanting to be with me, and you. God had given Him everything and He wants us to be with Him to enjoy that. He wants to be near to us, He desires to be in a deeply intimate relationship with Him. Entering into that relationship with Him is something that can happen so simply. The other night we were watching the movie "saved" (haha it's one of those movies that I think it's terrible, probably shouldn't be laughing, but it's ridicuously hilarious because I can only imagine that this is the actually perception of christians to other people). Half way through the movie, the Jewish girl decided she wanted to accept Christ and Mandy Moore, playing a girl who is completely ridiculous, says she thinks she can help her with that, but that it might take longer because she didn't bring all of her tools. Thank goodness it isn't like that in reality. Beginning a relationship with Jesus is simply coming to Him, recognizing who you are as being separated from Him and acknowledging that you have messed up, we all have, gone our separate ways and sinned against Him, than just thanking Him and He will take you from there. I apologize if I sound too preachy, I just want to make it known that having a relationship with God is not something complicated where you need to come to Him after you have everything together, you come to Him and recognize that you don't have it all together and are in need of Him and want to know Him personally.
Knowing God was never meant to be a set of bullet points, formulas, or a to do list. As long as this is, I'm sure I could write so much more about my summer, and how we all literally survived LTSP 2007 haha
