Those were the words that I just read in an online article posted about a couple who had celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary by renewing their vows at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel in New York. They got to stay another night there, the last time being their wedding night, for the same price as 1950 - $26!!! (It now goes for $600-800 per night).
Prices aside, when the husband spoke of his wife and how they met when they were 12, grew up together, and he finally got it together to go after her when he returned from the war at age 22. He spoke tenderly of his wife and of his childhood sweetheart; "I always knew I loved her. I always knew I wanted her".
What a tender statement. I will repeat it so we can let it sink in.
"I always knew I loved her. I always knew I wanted her"
Going on the same path as my previous post, how deeply does this speak to the heart of a woman? I mean, who does not want to be told by their beloved that you have always been loved, always been wanted.
On a marriage note, I believe that this is the longing of everyone's heart. Tears welled up as I read those words, wanting those words to be true of me when Tim and I have been married 30, 40, 50, 60 years..... When Tim speaks to me in that way, or rather, speaks of me in that way, I know I am where I am supposed to be. I am safe, I am loved, and I am wanted, even needed.
How much more does God feel this way about us! About me. Those words pierced my heart as I read them because I felt like God was speaking those words to me.
God was whispering in my ear, "I always knew that I loved you, I always knew that I wanted you"
I am just sitting here (there was quite a long pause between that above statement and what I am writing now), soaking in that fact, in that love. Think about how glorious that love is! I am overwhelmed...
The earth was nothingness, void. God began creating, creating this beautiful place, with the culmination of his creation being us - humans, made to reflect His image.
I was not even a thought, a dream. My parents didn't exist, nothing that would be around while I lived existed. No one was thinking of me, thinking of my life, thinking of the future... But God was. God had me in mind when He created the world. Do you know how intimately He cares for you and I? His thoughts about me (and all of us) outnumber the grains of sand in the whole world, the Bible says. Before I was born I was loved, I was chosen, I was wanted. God had me in mind and when He thought of me, He knew that He always loved me, that He always wanted me.
I feel Him whisper that to me even now. As I was being formed in my mothers womb, I imagine Him speaking to me, before I even knew who He was, telling me that very statement, "Melynda, I am so glad you are here. I always knew that I loved you, I always knew that I wanted you."
And the tears come. Jesus you are so good! I am so unworthy, undeserving, and unable to bring myself out of my hopeless position. Thank you for always loving me, always wanting me.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Mmmmwarriage
Lord knows I'm no expert in this area, but I've just been reflecting on the past *almost* year that Tim and I have had together. There has been ups and downs, good days and bad days, but by God's grace He has brought us closer together and given me a glimpse of how Jesus loves me.
I don't know if my eyes have just been opened to it more since we've been married, but I have seen God provide in ways that I could never imagine. I could list on and on all of that ways that remind me that God is a good Dad, He is good to His children. He cares INTIMATELY in ways that I can never imagine! His kindness is irresistable... and yet I continue to resist it. I have this continual inner struggle a la Roman's 7:
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate to do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. (vs. 15-16)
But, alas, this is every sinner's struggle. And that is one thing I have learned since we've been married: two sinners do not make a perfect marriage - but by God's grace we can grow to be more like Him. But then again, marriage was never about us in the first place.
There is this ideal swimming around out there in fantasy world that marriage solves all problems. This is simply not true! I remember one of the strangest feelings after our wedding: I felt exactly the same as I did pre-marriage. I was still Melynda. Unique to myself in that I had my own way of doing things, own struggles, own sins, own talents, own joys. My ears were still uneven, my hair didn't curl quite the way I wanted it every day, and I still had stubby toes. Although now, an incredible and unexplainable thing happened: I was now one with another human with his own struggles, sins, talents, joys. How could anything be as beautiful as that? God joining two souls together so to make this journey less lonely, to bring Him glory, and to help each other be more like Jesus.
Another thing that we are striving to learn more is how to love each other. The Bible says that husbands should love their wives just as Christ loves the church, and wives should submit to their husbands. I never really understood this, what this entailed. I think in my mind I had this picture that Tim had to just love me, and I had to submit to all the decisions he made. How little credit we give God and the Bible!
When we really look and see how Christ loves us, we see something radical: He died for us. He has covered us with His blood. He took up our sins, when we were still sinners, in effect taking the responsibility that we should have paid but couldn't. He delights in us! He loves us! He is so in love with us, He compares Himself to a mother hen, a fierce warrior, and a madly in love bridegroom. Hosea says it perfectly when, in response to our sin and adulterousness, God woo's us! He brings us out into the desert, away from it all, and sings to us. He calls us "Sought After":
As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.
-Isaiah 62:5
They will be called the Holy People, the Redeemed of the LORD; and you will be called Sought After, the City No Longer Deserted.
-Isaiah 62:12
Do you see what He does there? He calls us Sought After! I don't believe more beautiful words could be spoken - God is pursuing you! Especially to the ears of a woman, how precious it is to know that we are sought after, no longer deserted!
And this, my friends, is how Jesus wants our husbands to love us. Yes, they can and will fail. But, day by day, the Holy Spirit will stir their hearts and encourage them on, giving them strength to be more like Him.
I read a Don Miller book one time, "Searching for God Knows What" (love it!) and he wrote a chapter on what it could have been like for Adam and Eve. Adam broke out in poetry when he first saw his Eve. Don painted a picture of what it must have been like for Adam - taking walks with God in the garden, both of them talking about Eve and how great it was to know her. Delighting in the creation that God had made, the crown of which being woman.
I am not at all saying that women are in anyway superior to men. Not at all! We are all absolutely equal, although I am trying to communicate some facts that are usually left unnoticed or ignored. I remember there being a time, even in my christian community, feeling like I couldn't count on another man to step in if I needed help. Yes, absolutely I had Tim! and I was intensely grateful for that. But what I am getting at is I felt surrounded by "men" who belittled women, considering themselves higher because they had a penis. Really, people?! If that's what makes you think you're strong I'd like to see you try and push a watermelon out of that thing and see how it feels. I think only married men with children can understand how much the proverbial balls it takes for some of the things women need to do.
*stepping off my soap box* ahem. Back to my point. God has given women a very specific role, a description if you will, that is only ever used elsewhere in the Bible to describe God. The term is Ezer, meaning helper.
Oh, helper. What a seemingly whimpy description. What comes to mind? Hamburger helper, if you must know.
But oh no, that is not what God meant. Elsewhere in the Bible the term is ascribed to God as being our military alliance, help to Israel. Now, that packs some much deeper meaning. We are our husbands military allies in life!
All I can do is speak to my own experience and that to which God has given us in the Bible. God has richly blessed me with Tim. I know that we have had and will continue to have our struggles, but I find safety in him. Not apart from God, but because of God. I know that I am cared for, I have seen Tim metaphorically lay his life down for me on more than one occasion. I love being near him. With our schedules being as crazy as they have been lately, I feel spoiled when we get an afternoon together.
So, with that being said, we are coming up on 1 month til our first anniversary. Crazy as it is, I am wonderfully stuck in a paradox of being unable to wait for our future together & loving where we are at.
I don't know if my eyes have just been opened to it more since we've been married, but I have seen God provide in ways that I could never imagine. I could list on and on all of that ways that remind me that God is a good Dad, He is good to His children. He cares INTIMATELY in ways that I can never imagine! His kindness is irresistable... and yet I continue to resist it. I have this continual inner struggle a la Roman's 7:
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate to do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. (vs. 15-16)
But, alas, this is every sinner's struggle. And that is one thing I have learned since we've been married: two sinners do not make a perfect marriage - but by God's grace we can grow to be more like Him. But then again, marriage was never about us in the first place.
There is this ideal swimming around out there in fantasy world that marriage solves all problems. This is simply not true! I remember one of the strangest feelings after our wedding: I felt exactly the same as I did pre-marriage. I was still Melynda. Unique to myself in that I had my own way of doing things, own struggles, own sins, own talents, own joys. My ears were still uneven, my hair didn't curl quite the way I wanted it every day, and I still had stubby toes. Although now, an incredible and unexplainable thing happened: I was now one with another human with his own struggles, sins, talents, joys. How could anything be as beautiful as that? God joining two souls together so to make this journey less lonely, to bring Him glory, and to help each other be more like Jesus.
Another thing that we are striving to learn more is how to love each other. The Bible says that husbands should love their wives just as Christ loves the church, and wives should submit to their husbands. I never really understood this, what this entailed. I think in my mind I had this picture that Tim had to just love me, and I had to submit to all the decisions he made. How little credit we give God and the Bible!
When we really look and see how Christ loves us, we see something radical: He died for us. He has covered us with His blood. He took up our sins, when we were still sinners, in effect taking the responsibility that we should have paid but couldn't. He delights in us! He loves us! He is so in love with us, He compares Himself to a mother hen, a fierce warrior, and a madly in love bridegroom. Hosea says it perfectly when, in response to our sin and adulterousness, God woo's us! He brings us out into the desert, away from it all, and sings to us. He calls us "Sought After":
As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.
-Isaiah 62:5
They will be called the Holy People, the Redeemed of the LORD; and you will be called Sought After, the City No Longer Deserted.
-Isaiah 62:12
Do you see what He does there? He calls us Sought After! I don't believe more beautiful words could be spoken - God is pursuing you! Especially to the ears of a woman, how precious it is to know that we are sought after, no longer deserted!
And this, my friends, is how Jesus wants our husbands to love us. Yes, they can and will fail. But, day by day, the Holy Spirit will stir their hearts and encourage them on, giving them strength to be more like Him.
I read a Don Miller book one time, "Searching for God Knows What" (love it!) and he wrote a chapter on what it could have been like for Adam and Eve. Adam broke out in poetry when he first saw his Eve. Don painted a picture of what it must have been like for Adam - taking walks with God in the garden, both of them talking about Eve and how great it was to know her. Delighting in the creation that God had made, the crown of which being woman.
I am not at all saying that women are in anyway superior to men. Not at all! We are all absolutely equal, although I am trying to communicate some facts that are usually left unnoticed or ignored. I remember there being a time, even in my christian community, feeling like I couldn't count on another man to step in if I needed help. Yes, absolutely I had Tim! and I was intensely grateful for that. But what I am getting at is I felt surrounded by "men" who belittled women, considering themselves higher because they had a penis. Really, people?! If that's what makes you think you're strong I'd like to see you try and push a watermelon out of that thing and see how it feels. I think only married men with children can understand how much the proverbial balls it takes for some of the things women need to do.
*stepping off my soap box* ahem. Back to my point. God has given women a very specific role, a description if you will, that is only ever used elsewhere in the Bible to describe God. The term is Ezer, meaning helper.
Oh, helper. What a seemingly whimpy description. What comes to mind? Hamburger helper, if you must know.
But oh no, that is not what God meant. Elsewhere in the Bible the term is ascribed to God as being our military alliance, help to Israel. Now, that packs some much deeper meaning. We are our husbands military allies in life!
All I can do is speak to my own experience and that to which God has given us in the Bible. God has richly blessed me with Tim. I know that we have had and will continue to have our struggles, but I find safety in him. Not apart from God, but because of God. I know that I am cared for, I have seen Tim metaphorically lay his life down for me on more than one occasion. I love being near him. With our schedules being as crazy as they have been lately, I feel spoiled when we get an afternoon together.
So, with that being said, we are coming up on 1 month til our first anniversary. Crazy as it is, I am wonderfully stuck in a paradox of being unable to wait for our future together & loving where we are at.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
If His grace is an ocean we're all sinking....
These words are beautiful, I love the lyrics to "How He Loves" By David Crowder Band.
"He is jealous for me. His love like a hurricane I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy. When all of the sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me! Oh how He loves us, oh! Oh, how He loves us, how He loves us, oh!"
This, my friends, is what a true worship song looks like. Praising Jesus for who He is! For recognizing that His love and mercy and salvation have absolutely nothing to do with us. He LOVES us! Not because we did anything to deserve it, but because HE is great. What a mental picture: "If His grace is an ocean we're all sinking". How overwhelming is God's love! It overtakes us, surrounds us, carries us, saves us. We can do nothing but let it wash over us as we drown in His love, as we surrender control and let the hurricane of His love breathe over us and we twist and turn in His uncontrollable, wild, fierce love for us!
Another song that has spoken to my heart is "Your love is a song" by Switchfoot
"The stars are falling out, my dreams are fading now, fading out. I've been keeping my eyes wide open. I've been keeping my eyes wide open. Oh Your love is a symphony all around me, running through me. Oh Your love is a melody underneath me, running into me. Oh your love is a song! Your love is my remedy!"
I have been hearing so many "Christian" worship songs that seem to be all about us, all about what is going on in our life, how we can feel better about ourselves, etc... And while there is a time and place for that, at the heart of worship, we are saying that it is all about God. All we can do is praise Him for who He is!
Lately I've been struggling with making my life all about myself... turning Jesus into Santa Claus and just making requests for Him to fulfill, as though that is how a relationship works! What if that's how I interacted with Tim? "Hey Tim, nice to see you, I would like ____________, ___________, and ___________." and then get disappointed when things don't go my way? Are we as christians really that spoiled?
I have been. I have even been looking to Tim to fill these needs in my life instead of God. How easy it is to keep our eyes focused on what is tangible and right in front of us. God, where are you in the struggles, the hurt, the pain? He is right there, sovereign over it, in control of it, and intimately near to it.
How distracted I get when I am more into myself and my own life than God. It is so easy to settle for nothing-ness when I am missing out on the greatest something-ness. I still bind myself to things that allow me to not experience and enjoy my freedom in Christ. I am free! Praise Jesus for giving me that freedom because He loves me. He chose me.
"Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God - children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision, or a husband's will, but born of God." -John 1:12-13
How amazing is this! What a promise it is! God chose you to be born - feeling unloved by family? God wanted you! His power goes above and beyond a parents decision, He wanted you! To wrap my mind around this beautiful truth is amazing - God wanted me! He does want me! This is something that I want to be continually on my heart, especially when Tim and I end up having kids - Jesus wants them and it is up to Him!
There is so much freedom in surrendering control because I know with all my heart that God will not let us down - His calling IS enabling. He has lavished His love on us! Let me be clear, this is not dependent on life circumstances. His love is not dependent on how good or bad things are going in our lives. It makes no sense to me when preachers and christians promise a good life and that God wants the best for His children - which, of course, means He wants us to drive around in SUV's with spinners and keep all our money to ourselves (that is, unless they tell us that God promised to give us money if we give them all of our money). The Bible is so clear on that: Jesus promises trial, hurt, suffering, and hardships for His name! If only preachers like that would look to the Bible and pay close attention to early christians - they were all pretty much killed! They lived out the rest of their lives in unbelievable hardships, knowing that their true reward was in Heaven. That alone is enough evidence to convince us of the truth of Jesus.
When everything is stripped away, all that is left is God. He so intimately loves us, loves me - and I have been denying it and running away. Not outright, but in my heart - doing just enough to get by. But God didn't do that for us! He didn't just love us enough to get us by - He died for us!!! He loves us with an intense, passionate, amazing love!
Oh, How he loves us!
"He is jealous for me. His love like a hurricane I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy. When all of the sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me! Oh how He loves us, oh! Oh, how He loves us, how He loves us, oh!"
This, my friends, is what a true worship song looks like. Praising Jesus for who He is! For recognizing that His love and mercy and salvation have absolutely nothing to do with us. He LOVES us! Not because we did anything to deserve it, but because HE is great. What a mental picture: "If His grace is an ocean we're all sinking". How overwhelming is God's love! It overtakes us, surrounds us, carries us, saves us. We can do nothing but let it wash over us as we drown in His love, as we surrender control and let the hurricane of His love breathe over us and we twist and turn in His uncontrollable, wild, fierce love for us!
Another song that has spoken to my heart is "Your love is a song" by Switchfoot
"The stars are falling out, my dreams are fading now, fading out. I've been keeping my eyes wide open. I've been keeping my eyes wide open. Oh Your love is a symphony all around me, running through me. Oh Your love is a melody underneath me, running into me. Oh your love is a song! Your love is my remedy!"
I have been hearing so many "Christian" worship songs that seem to be all about us, all about what is going on in our life, how we can feel better about ourselves, etc... And while there is a time and place for that, at the heart of worship, we are saying that it is all about God. All we can do is praise Him for who He is!
Lately I've been struggling with making my life all about myself... turning Jesus into Santa Claus and just making requests for Him to fulfill, as though that is how a relationship works! What if that's how I interacted with Tim? "Hey Tim, nice to see you, I would like ____________, ___________, and ___________." and then get disappointed when things don't go my way? Are we as christians really that spoiled?
I have been. I have even been looking to Tim to fill these needs in my life instead of God. How easy it is to keep our eyes focused on what is tangible and right in front of us. God, where are you in the struggles, the hurt, the pain? He is right there, sovereign over it, in control of it, and intimately near to it.
How distracted I get when I am more into myself and my own life than God. It is so easy to settle for nothing-ness when I am missing out on the greatest something-ness. I still bind myself to things that allow me to not experience and enjoy my freedom in Christ. I am free! Praise Jesus for giving me that freedom because He loves me. He chose me.
"Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God - children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision, or a husband's will, but born of God." -John 1:12-13
How amazing is this! What a promise it is! God chose you to be born - feeling unloved by family? God wanted you! His power goes above and beyond a parents decision, He wanted you! To wrap my mind around this beautiful truth is amazing - God wanted me! He does want me! This is something that I want to be continually on my heart, especially when Tim and I end up having kids - Jesus wants them and it is up to Him!
There is so much freedom in surrendering control because I know with all my heart that God will not let us down - His calling IS enabling. He has lavished His love on us! Let me be clear, this is not dependent on life circumstances. His love is not dependent on how good or bad things are going in our lives. It makes no sense to me when preachers and christians promise a good life and that God wants the best for His children - which, of course, means He wants us to drive around in SUV's with spinners and keep all our money to ourselves (that is, unless they tell us that God promised to give us money if we give them all of our money). The Bible is so clear on that: Jesus promises trial, hurt, suffering, and hardships for His name! If only preachers like that would look to the Bible and pay close attention to early christians - they were all pretty much killed! They lived out the rest of their lives in unbelievable hardships, knowing that their true reward was in Heaven. That alone is enough evidence to convince us of the truth of Jesus.
When everything is stripped away, all that is left is God. He so intimately loves us, loves me - and I have been denying it and running away. Not outright, but in my heart - doing just enough to get by. But God didn't do that for us! He didn't just love us enough to get us by - He died for us!!! He loves us with an intense, passionate, amazing love!
Oh, How he loves us!
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