Mmmmwarriage

Lord knows I'm no expert in this area, but I've just been reflecting on the past *almost* year that Tim and I have had together. There has been ups and downs, good days and bad days, but by God's grace He has brought us closer together and given me a glimpse of how Jesus loves me.

I don't know if my eyes have just been opened to it more since we've been married, but I have seen God provide in ways that I could never imagine. I could list on and on all of that ways that remind me that God is a good Dad, He is good to His children. He cares INTIMATELY in ways that I can never imagine! His kindness is irresistable... and yet I continue to resist it. I have this continual inner struggle a la Roman's 7:

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate to do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. (vs. 15-16)

But, alas, this is every sinner's struggle. And that is one thing I have learned since we've been married: two sinners do not make a perfect marriage - but by God's grace we can grow to be more like Him. But then again, marriage was never about us in the first place.

There is this ideal swimming around out there in fantasy world that marriage solves all problems. This is simply not true! I remember one of the strangest feelings after our wedding: I felt exactly the same as I did pre-marriage. I was still Melynda. Unique to myself in that I had my own way of doing things, own struggles, own sins, own talents, own joys. My ears were still uneven, my hair didn't curl quite the way I wanted it every day, and I still had stubby toes. Although now, an incredible and unexplainable thing happened: I was now one with another human with his own struggles, sins, talents, joys. How could anything be as beautiful as that? God joining two souls together so to make this journey less lonely, to bring Him glory, and to help each other be more like Jesus.

Another thing that we are striving to learn more is how to love each other. The Bible says that husbands should love their wives just as Christ loves the church, and wives should submit to their husbands. I never really understood this, what this entailed. I think in my mind I had this picture that Tim had to just love me, and I had to submit to all the decisions he made. How little credit we give God and the Bible!

When we really look and see how Christ loves us, we see something radical: He died for us. He has covered us with His blood. He took up our sins, when we were still sinners, in effect taking the responsibility that we should have paid but couldn't. He delights in us! He loves us! He is so in love with us, He compares Himself to a mother hen, a fierce warrior, and a madly in love bridegroom. Hosea says it perfectly when, in response to our sin and adulterousness, God woo's us! He brings us out into the desert, away from it all, and sings to us. He calls us "Sought After":

As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.
-Isaiah 62:5

They will be called the Holy People, the Redeemed of the LORD; and you will be called Sought After, the City No Longer Deserted.
-Isaiah 62:12


Do you see what He does there? He calls us Sought After! I don't believe more beautiful words could be spoken - God is pursuing you! Especially to the ears of a woman, how precious it is to know that we are sought after, no longer deserted!

And this, my friends, is how Jesus wants our husbands to love us. Yes, they can and will fail. But, day by day, the Holy Spirit will stir their hearts and encourage them on, giving them strength to be more like Him.

I read a Don Miller book one time, "Searching for God Knows What" (love it!) and he wrote a chapter on what it could have been like for Adam and Eve. Adam broke out in poetry when he first saw his Eve. Don painted a picture of what it must have been like for Adam - taking walks with God in the garden, both of them talking about Eve and how great it was to know her. Delighting in the creation that God had made, the crown of which being woman.

I am not at all saying that women are in anyway superior to men. Not at all! We are all absolutely equal, although I am trying to communicate some facts that are usually left unnoticed or ignored. I remember there being a time, even in my christian community, feeling like I couldn't count on another man to step in if I needed help. Yes, absolutely I had Tim! and I was intensely grateful for that. But what I am getting at is I felt surrounded by "men" who belittled women, considering themselves higher because they had a penis. Really, people?! If that's what makes you think you're strong I'd like to see you try and push a watermelon out of that thing and see how it feels. I think only married men with children can understand how much the proverbial balls it takes for some of the things women need to do.

*stepping off my soap box* ahem. Back to my point. God has given women a very specific role, a description if you will, that is only ever used elsewhere in the Bible to describe God. The term is Ezer, meaning helper.

Oh, helper. What a seemingly whimpy description. What comes to mind? Hamburger helper, if you must know.

But oh no, that is not what God meant. Elsewhere in the Bible the term is ascribed to God as being our military alliance, help to Israel. Now, that packs some much deeper meaning. We are our husbands military allies in life!

All I can do is speak to my own experience and that to which God has given us in the Bible. God has richly blessed me with Tim. I know that we have had and will continue to have our struggles, but I find safety in him. Not apart from God, but because of God. I know that I am cared for, I have seen Tim metaphorically lay his life down for me on more than one occasion. I love being near him. With our schedules being as crazy as they have been lately, I feel spoiled when we get an afternoon together.

So, with that being said, we are coming up on 1 month til our first anniversary. Crazy as it is, I am wonderfully stuck in a paradox of being unable to wait for our future together & loving where we are at.